Five (Dumbest) Things We've Done in Africa

To mark the halfway point of our trip, Stevie and I decided that we would like to share with you all the 5 silliest things we've done so far in Africa. Laugh away :)

1) Tipping

For me, figuring out how much to tip people other than waiters/waitresses is always a bit confusing. Do I really need to give the bellhop who carried my bag five feet $3? Do I tip the valet guy when I drop the car off AND pick it up or just when I pick it up? If it's stressful in America, imagine getting off the plane in Lilongwe, exchanging American dollars for Malawi kwacha, and then 10 seconds later having twenty cab drivers swarm you and offer you a ride into town. Another man who was basically an airport bellhop (although he was not actually employed by the airport, just trying to carry bags for some money) took our big bags, walked 20 yards and loaded them in the trunk, then turns to us and says "now you tip me." Scrambling to do conversions in my head, I hand him 40 kwacha. He flat out says "this is too small." Now I'm really caught off guard, so I do some quick math and realize that 40 kwacha is about a quarter. Embarrassed, I take out the only other type of bill I have, which is 500 kwacha. Doing the math in my head, I realize that it was about $3, and didn't think much of it until about a week later when someone told us that 500 kwacha is an average day's wages in Malawi...should have stuck with the 40 kwacha tip! On the flip side, one night Stevie and I were eating a a restaurant where our meals came to 400 kwacha each... we left 80 kwacha each on the table as a tip, figuring that was 20%. As we're walking down the street a couple minutes later, we see the waitress running towards us with the tip money waving in her hands. She gave us the money back and then left. Needless to say, we still have no idea whether we're supposed to tip in this country.

2) How to use a mercury thermometer

This seems self-explanatory to all you adults, but for us children of the digital generation, it's not so obvious. Stevie and I were helping collect vital signs in the pediatric ward one afternoon, and all of the digital thermometers were broken. The nurse handed us 2 mercury thermometers without any further instructions and we proceeded to go child to child checking temps. After about 4 children, I had noticed a strange pattern... all 4 of the kids had temperatures of 39.4 degrees Celsius. I turned to Stevie and asked her if she was having the same problem, and she said "yes, mine are all 38.5." Not sure if the thermometers were broken or if we were doing something wrong, we asked the nurse, who looked at us with an expression somewhere between shock and pity. She then informed us that you have to shake the mercury back down between uses....who would have known?! In retrospect, I have vague memories of my mom flicking her wrist with the thermometer when I was little, and I always just assumed she was waving it dry after cleaning it. What's even funnier is that even now, I always shake my DIGITAL thermometer dry instead of wiping it because that's how my mom always did it... little did I know that the wrist-flicking technique only applies to MERCURY thermometers.

3) Tomato, To-mah-to....Mango, Avocado?

Before we left America, we were told that mangoes would be in season in Malawi during our trip. By the time we arrived, we were craving mangoes, and went to the outdoor market in Ekwendeni to get some for dessert on one of our first nights. We didn't really see anything that looked exactly like the mangoes we buy from Giant Eagle, but we found something that was about the right size and shape and when we said "mango?" and pointed at it, the seller shook his head yes so we bought them. After dinner that night, we were about to cut into them when the night watchman came up to us and asked if we wanted a spoon. Confused, we asked how you eat a mango with a spoon, to which he replied "Those aren't mangoes. They're avocadoes." Turns out he knows his fruit, because those were two of the biggest avocadoes we've ever seen. A few days later, we tried again. We perused the market for awhile until we found someone who spoke English, and they pointed us in the direction of bowls fruit the size and shape of limes, which are actually mangoes. Stevie and I attempt to buy 2 mangoes for 50 kwacha each (30 cents-ish), thinking we're getting a pretty good deal.... and then the lady proceeded to dump two entire BOWLS of mangoes into our bag. Turns out we had gotten a pretty GREAT deal.... and also more mangoes than we knew what to do with.

4) Timing is everything

If tipping is confusing, trying to figure out which events you can be late for and which ones you actually need to show up on time for is a complete mystery. Stevie and I were invited to a Valentine's Day fundraising dinner for HIV/AIDS programs that started at 6 pm. We showed up fashionably late - 6:15 - and were literally the very first 2 people there. Our other mzungu colleagues from the hospital showed up around 6:30, and then the 6 of us stood there for over an hour until any Malawian people arrived. Literally no one came until 7:30. Figuring this was just the way things roll in Malawi, we decided not to show up at Bible Study the next night right at 7:30. We arrived around 8 (after getting lost in the dark and showing up at 2 wrong doors) and were the very last people there... they had already done 2 rounds of passage reading and discussion, and because of us the study leader had to read the entire Bible passage aloud again to get us caught up. Apparently we chose the wrong event to stroll in late.

5) To Pee or Not To Pee?

Stevie told you all in her blog about our visit to Lake Malawi last weekend, and how we decided to swim despite the 99% risk of getting "bilharzia" (aka shistosomiasis aka a gross parasite). We figured there is one easy pill you take 6 weeks after swimming and you're good to go. So after our first leisurely swim, our midwife friend Jenny starts talking about how she saw this show on TV where the parasites swim up your urethra while you're peeing in the lake. Stevie and I get really quiet all of a sudden, prompting Jenny to say "wait, you guys didn't pee in the Lake, right?" HOW DID NO ONE MENTION THIS TO US BEFORE WE WENT SWIMMING?!?! We were in there for like 4 hours! How did this not come up?! Anyway, we were pretty grossed out after that, but it kind of sounded like an old wives tale. As soon as I could get my hands on a textbook, I discovered that the parasites actually penetrate through skin, so no worries... at least Jenny has bilharzia now too ;)